Advertisement A: You don’t say why she is having so much difficulty in her English classes. Is she in the right level of English? Does she having a learning disability? Or does she just not like English? Motivation is often the biggest factor in students failing a class. English requires regular assignments and if a student gets behind it is often overwhelming to catch up.
If you are unsure about the answers to my questions you need to call her counselor and ask. Assuming your daughter has not completed assignments and done poorly on tests, you need a new game plan for the current semester. I would recommend a meeting with her teacher for the two of you to get the facts. If study time is not part of her evening ritual, it needs to begin now. The teacher will probably make suggestions, and when you get home, it is time to discuss with your daughter how she thinks she will change the picture. You may have to be patient in this discussion, as she will probably be resistant to change. I suggest that you and she write down the plan along with weekly checks … either a paper that the teacher signs to indicate completion and success or an e-mail process between you and the teacher. Consequences need to be part of the plan, such as time away from the phone, computer or friends if the weekly checks are negative. Your daughter needs to define the consequences and be reminded that you will create them if she doesn’t.
If she still fails the class, there are summer replacement classes she can take at Western Technical College. Registration for these classes is available in the guidance department and usually has to be signed by the counselor and an associate principal. In addition, WTC has make-up classes throughout the school year, held at night. Using this resource allows a student to stay on target for graduation.
For next year, your daughter should register for the class her counselor and English teacher think she should take. If she fails semester two and does not go to summer school, then her counselor will add the failed class back into her schedule for next year … which means she will probably have to give up an elective to make it all fit.
Changing behavior of a teen with regard to studying is a complex situation that involves a team effort between home and school. Hopefully your daughter will appreciate your help. If she doesn’t, hang in there: You are doing it for the right reasons, and she just isn’t mature enough to see that yet.
Q: I can’t get my son to go to school every day, and some days he skips out in the afternoon. Because of this, he is failing many of his classes, and I am afraid he will quit school. He is 16 and until this year was a pretty good student. His Dad is so upset with him that they can’t be in the same room without arguing and I end up being the peacemaker. I know he needs an education to get a good job, but he says he hates school and everybody there. I don’t know what we can do.
A: What a terrible situation for all of you. It sounds like there is so much frustration aimed at school and surrounding your son that any time you spend together must be stressful. When I met with a family I wanted parents and student together so I could see the family dynamics. This helped me know how to help them. But in your situation, I would suggest a different approach. It would be helpful to your son to talk with his counselor alone so they can uncover why he hates school. Call and let the counselor know the situation and ask him or her to have that first meeting.
Then I would suggest that you and your husband have the next meeting with the counselor. I have two reasons for separating the three of you. First, there is too much frustration for all three of you to give the counselor a clear impression of the needs, and, second, the counselor will be able to talk more freely with your son and also with the two of you. After you meet, it will be time for a third meeting with all three of you. This way each of you will be heard and learn what options or help might be available. In Wisconsin, students may not drop out of school until they turn 18. This means your son has been truant, and there are consequences. This also needs to be part of your discussion.
All parents want their children to go to school and be successful so they can get a good job and have a quality life. However fighting about school will not change your son’s mind. He needs to understand the law and the requirements, and he needs help finding reason to be there. Part of the work you do with the counselor should be looking for a key, a hook, something to make school more interesting. For some kids, it’s an activity or an elective area they might make into a career. Sometimes it can even be one adult on the staff that takes a special interest in your son.
Being the peacemaker is a difficult position and one you don’t want to keep doing. I hope these meetings will help each of you find a better way of helping your son graduate from high school.
Colleen O’Reilly Wiemerslage is a teacher, counselor, writer and parent of two adult children. E-mail her with questions wiemerslage@aol.com.
