Advertisement She is 18, so I feel like there is nothing I can do about school or her boyfriend. I want her to graduate and go on to the technical college, but I don’t know if I can talk with her school. Can you also tell me what resources we can check on?
A: Your daughter’s high school will still provide you with grades and attendance. There are many resources in the community for young, pregnant women. I suggest you meet with you daughter and tell her what you have told me … that you want her to graduate and go on to technical college. I fear you have some work to do in the area of communication since your daughter is living outside your home before she finishes high school. You are the parent, and it will be up to you to be the best role model you can be in problem solving, planning and following through. Together you should create a list of needs and priorities and then seek resources to support her efforts. Calling the local 211 number will put you in touch with a wide range of agencies. The technical college will be a good place to visit when you are ready … it even has childcare available for students who are parents.
There are many reasons teens get pregnant, in spite of all the contraception available. Sometimes young women purposely get pregnant to keep a boyfriend and or to have someone who “belongs to them”. As shortsighted as both of these may seem, it sounds like your daughter may have fallen into this category. I say this to point out that your priorities may not be hers. You cannot make her do what you want, but you can stay connected and supportive. If you can be a good listener without passing judgment, she will be more willing to discuss her thoughts. This will give you opportunity to influence her decision-making as she moves through the life-changing experience of becoming a parent. There is a fine line for you as you love and support her without creating dependence on you.
Young people have unexpected babies and still finish school and post-high school training, but it takes consistent hard work. This should be your goal … to nurture and support the consistent hard work. The state will provide some resources, but it will take the boyfriend and your daughter both working to keep food on the table and pay the rent. I am glad you asked and I wish all of you the best.
Q: My son, who is a junior in high school, does not like school and says he will drop out when he is 18 to join the military. I have heard that the military will not take you unless you graduate from high school. What do you know about this?
A: The obvious phone call and visit that you and your son need to make is to the recruiter’s office. This will not only give you your answer but also provide your son with a mentor who will encourage his high school graduation. I have partnered with recruiters over the years to help young men and women finish high school and go on to achieve their military careers. The recruiters I worked with visited their enlistees at school, checked with the teachers and parents and even helped with homework. This might be the key you need to help your son’s lack of motivation.
If your son is using the threat of quitting school and joining the military as a way to avoid doing his schoolwork, the longer you wait to get him in front of a recruiter the deeper the hole. If it is a false threat, then the meeting will nip it in the bud and you can take another look at how to motivate your son. There are only a few weeks of this school year remaining, and you want your son to pass his classes so make that visit as soon as possible.
Colleen O’Reilly Wiemerslage is a teacher, counselor, writer and parent of two adult children. E-mail her with questions wiemerslage@aol.com.
