Advertisement “You feel like a total misfit,” said Carmela Liberta of Clovis, a member of Northpark Community Church.
Quite a few women worshippers in the central San Joaquin Valley agree — and there’s relief in sight. Special ministries and groups have been created just for women who attend church alone.
Their circumstances vary. Their husbands don’t want to go or don’t have similar beliefs. They are separated, divorced or widowed. Or they have never tied the knot.
The special ministries and groups that reach out to women worshipping alone are designed to go beyond the Sunday service. They are held in smaller settings, they present special teachings related to their circumstances, and they provide opportunities to share with others in similar situations.
Northpark Community Church, in northeast Fresno, offers New Beginnings, a ministry that presents quarterly luncheons with guest speakers, weekly Bible studies in Liberta’s home and special outings for dinner, movies and the theater. Participants also sit near each other at Sunday services.
And Northside Christian Church in Clovis provides Women of the Word, a Sunday school class in which participants study the Bible and pray for each other. It also presents Walk the Talk outreaches, in which women support other women’s ministries.
“It’s not necessarily just for women whose husbands don’t go, but for any woman who shows up to church by herself,” class instructor Bonnie Hippenstiel said.
Women are 10 percent more likely than men to attend church, according to a Barna Research Group study in 2000. They also pray more often and lead the way in teaching children about faith. Women also are more deeply spiritual, the study concluded.
Cindi McMenamin, a San Diego-based Christian author and women’s conference speaker, has written a book, “When Women Walk Alone” (Harvest House, $10.99), that addresses women doing their faith journey alone. She says she was inspired to write the book because so many women at conferences related to a common experience.
“So many said they had unbelieving husbands, or not on the same page as them spiritually,” said McMenamin, who recently spoke at Visalia First Assembly of God.
“Women can go to church, yet feel so alone when they look around and see other women sitting with their families or husbands — and their husband is home. Those women tend to have a deeper spiritual life simply because they’ve been alone and have had to depend on God a lot.”
Marge Ainley, director of women’s ministries at Valley Christian Center in east Fresno, says it is important churches provide ministries that address women’s needs. Valley Christian Center offers 10 ministries for women, called life-support groups.
“The church setting on Sunday morning is valuable; it’s teaching from the shepherd and worshipping together,” she said. “Then you break into a small group — and there is a more intimate relationship in feeling safe to share and deal with your own issues, to help others and to bring it to the Lord.”
Liberta remembers when she and her husband, Franco, attended Peoples Church in northeast Fresno. He died in 1995.
“It was so hard because I didn’t have anybody to sit with,” she remembers. “All my friends were married, and I felt weird being with them. They wanted to include me in activities, but I felt like a third wheel.
“I didn’t want to admit I was a widow—I hated that word.”
When Liberta’s son-in-law, the Rev. Bob Willis, became pastor of Northpark Community Church, she switched congregations and asked him to consider starting a ministry for women who attend alone.
Sixty women attended an exploratory meeting in 1998 — and New Beginnings was born, led by Liberta.
Liberta recently gathered with seven other ministry participants in Northpark’s foyer before they take sanctuary seats together.
Among them, Linda Newsom says she started attending the ministry’s Bible studies and luncheons when her husband stopped going to church with her. They divorced, and Newsom finds comfort in doing things with others in New Beginnings.
“If I’m feeling lonely and want to go to the movies, I just go down the list and call others,” Newsom says.
Arlene Gregory says she started attending the ministry’s activities after her husband died three years ago. They had been active in ministry together.
“In the grieving process, you go through a time of depression,” she remembers. “I needed some women to come around me. They wouldn’t let me stay depressed. Carmela was like a guardian to me. This made a difference in my life.”
Gregory now teaches the Bible study, which averages about 30 people.
“When people go through something, they mainly want to withdraw,” she says. “But if they can be introduced to the love of God to meet their needs, it gives them the strength to go through what they’re experiencing.”
At the Northpark ministry’s quarterly luncheon in February, guest speaker Lila Townsend, wife of Peoples Church associate pastor Terry Townsend, talked about how only God can give people the love they need. The luncheons average about 125 women, including many from other congregations.
Penny Murray, director of Northpark women’s ministries, says she is grateful New Beginnings reaches so many women.
“The ministry that goes on is unbelievable because they all know where everyone is coming from,” she says.
At Northside Christian Church, a dozen women gathered on a recent Sunday at round tables in a portable classroom for Women of the Word, also known as WOW. They enjoy coffee and muffins as they catch up on each others’ lives beforehand.
A church member, Laura McGrew, founded the class in 1999 because her husband didn’t want to go to church. After he changed his mind, McGrew resigned as instructor:
She no longer met the class description. “We were delighted for her, but sorry to see her go,” Hippenstiel says.
Among the class members, Linda Lawrence says she started attending the class after her husband no longer wanted to attend church.
“I’d look around and see happy families and I’d think, ’I’m alone. I’m a misfit,“’ she remembers. “Coming to this group of ladies, we connected.”
Another member, Karen Eldredge, says she also began attending after her husband no longer wanted to go to church.
“You want to share what you learned at church,” she remembers. “I thought in my marriage, you’d have that common bond. It was sad.”
Hippenstiel says the class focuses on how God is working through suffering. “When we can see that, it makes life bearable,” she says.
The class begins with Hippenstiel pointing out the day’s Bible verse. It’s Psalm 34:7: “God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us as we pray.”
Then the women pray. After finishing, they open their eyes. And some reflect a sense of comfort. They are not alone.
(c) 2008, The Fresno Bee (Fresno, Calif.).
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