James Naugler mug

Jim Naugler

Note: Jim is on a safari to Newark researching the New Jersey snail darter’s mating habits. Substituting by popular demand is advice maven Trixy Idsky, who tells it like it is when it’s often better to tell it like it isn’t.

Q. How do I tell my friend she smells bad? Signed: Breathless.

A. Carefully.

Q. Our reserved table at a popular restaurant is ready. A woman without a reservation says she’s seven months pregnant and would appreciate sitting before us. It’s an hour wait for the next table. What should we do? Signed: Reserved.

A. A guilt trip is a dish best served warm, not lukewarm. Feel free to decline…guilt free.

Q. Recently, my wife and I lunched at a packed seaside restaurant deck. I wore a tank top. A woman came up and loudly said my hairy body grossed her out and I should wear a shirt. I felt humiliated. Your reply? Signed: Big Foot.

A. Shout politely, “You have my sympathy because you look like you’re having a really bad hair day.”

Q. Another woman and I wrestled over the last school notebook on sale. I won. She pulled a gun. Any suggestions? Signed: Unarmed

A. Apologize.

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