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Jim Naugler: Final regrets

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Jim Naugler

jim Naugler 

Regret is a common emotion particularly regrets of the dying.

Some conversations overheard of the dying voicing regrets:

“I wish I stayed in touch with friends.”

“Not true,” said a friend. “You’ve always looked after your friends. When your dog got COVID, you nursed him back to health with mega-doses of dewormer.”

Another regret: “I wish I didn’t worry so much.”

“Look on the bright side,” the friend said. “At least you now have something worth worrying about.”

Angelina, a notorious mean girl during her teens, converted and joined the Order of the Angels. As she lay bedridden while surrounded by her fellow angels, an angel asks, “Before joining the Order, did you do anything you don’t regret?”

Angelina didn’t hesitate, “I disguised myself as a nerd. Soon after, Wanda, a legendary mean girl, approached me and began lobbing backhanded compliments.”

“Your hair looks so straight,” she said. “You should straighten it more often.”

“Your hair looks fabulous,” I said, “but if it loses any more body, you should report it to missing persons.”

“Your makeup looks wonderful. I can’t see any zits.”

“You look stunning,” I said. “How did you get your parents to spring for plastic surgery?”

Slowly, Angelina smiled.

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