Jim Naugler

Jim Naugler

Everybody talks about the Wild West but nobody talks about the Wild Midwest.

The Wild West has bears, wolves and bison; the Wild Midwest has bears, wolves and bulls.

Stories abound of docile-looking bison in Yellowstone Park launching tourists taking a selfie only inches from the bison’s face.

After re-entering earth’s atmosphere, tourists plummeting to ground zero invariably crash-land on a park sign warning visitors not to take “bison selfies.”

A tourist trampled by a bison or savaged by a charging grizzly while taking a selfie is a guaranteed Darwin Award nominee.

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The Darwin Award, named after Dick Darwin from Poughkeepsie, recognizes individuals who self-select themselves out of the gene pool by dying from their own stupidity.

Not to be confused with the clueless tourist, the farmer and his life are soon parted if the farmer forgets a bull is badder than a bison.

Cutesy names don’t help. A bull named Sue is actually more dangerous than a bull named Brutus. The only name a bull hates more than Sue is Chuck Steak.

Since 2000, bulls killed 19 farmers — the majority of whom were older than 60.

Farmers universally rate “bull untimely ends career” the least popular early retirement program.

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