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Jim Naugler

Jim Naugler

Fosdick and Milkweed order lunch. The server fills Fosdick’s glass with tap water and Milkweed’s glass with bottled water.

Fosdick: We need a bottle ban. 70% of plastic water bottles are not recycled. Plastic to China for recycling is coming back stamped, “Return to sender.”

Milkweed: Plastic water bottles are only 3.3% of all drink packaging in landfills. Soda bottles are 13.3%; cans 7.9%.

F: The solution is reusable bottles of glass or metal or something biodegradable.

M: Inconvenient — and if bottled water is unavailable, 63% of people choose soda, not tap water.

F: 40% of all bottled water is tap water.

M: Tell that to the folks drinking municipal lead in Flint, Newark and St. Joseph, Louisiana.

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F: A German study found more than 24,000 chemicals in bottled water. A gallon of this chemical stew costs four times a gallon of milk.

M: 93% of Americans believe bottled water should be available. Besides, zero-calorie bottled water is healthier than zillion-calorie bottled soda or juice.

F: Whales are dying from eating plastic waste.

M: They should read the labels.

F: The last whale was someone’s mother.

M: How do they know Gladys wasn’t Glen?

F: Glen was pregnant.

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